Our Favorite Mages Meet!
by A Knight of Tortall
Summary: Tortall meets Emelan meets Harry Potter. *gasp* Numair and Niko are in a constant raging jealousy and Dumbledore is deranged and has turned King Jon into a bunny!!! What will happen? I am proud of this fic, so if you flame me, I will just shrug it off, bu
1. The Beginning...

Disclaimer: Characters belong to either The Goddess of Fantasy, Tamora Pierce, or J

Disclaimer: Characters belong to either _The _Goddess of Fantasy, Tamora Pierce, or J.K. Rowling, who is good but not _as_ good. Only the plot is mine (I think). And hartbrush. 

A/N: I am so sorry, I love Tamora Pierce, not Harry Potter, but I just had to do this. It would be so funny. Tortall vs. Emelan vs. HP. I am laughing¡K This first chapter is kinda just how they meet, so it¡¦s not too humorous yet. But it will be. (I hope.)

Another A/N: I am evil. I will work on my other fics, Lioness of God and Tortall Today, I promise. It¡¦s just that I didn¡¦t want anyone to take this idea first! 

Our Favorite Mages Meet!

Chapter One 

In Tortall, Numair Samalin, the greatest mage in that country, was working in his study on a very sensitive spell. Muttering to himself, he added a container of liquid¡K that exploded with a huge BANG. 

¡§No!¡¨ he cried, frustrated. ¡§This is my nineteenth attempt! Will I ever get this right?¡¨ Taking out a pad already covered with endless notes, he scrawled some more. ¡§I added too little hartbrush. I should add some more¡K¡¨ he murmured. He hurriedly dumped all he had into the mixture¡K and in a puff of green smoke, nine people appeared.

***

In Emelan, Niklaren Goldeye, Sandrilene fa Toren, Briar Moss, Trisana Chandler, and Daja Kisubo sat in a circle, holding hands, meditating. Niklaren, or Niko, a powerful mage, commanded, ¡§Concentrate. Breathe in counts of seven.¡¨ He started the count himself, but stopped when he felt they¡¦d gotten the rhythm. 

¡§Niko?¡¨ Sandry asked. ¡§I ¡V I _feel _something. Powerful magic. It¡¦s like ¡V ¡¨ Her sentence was cut off by Tris¡¦s scream as green smoke enveloped them all, and they were dizzyingly transported and deposited on a cold stone floor.

***

¡§Potter. Weasley. I want you to stay here after the bell.¡¨ Professor McGonagall¡¦s clear voice cut through the still afternoon air. 

As the bell rang, Harry, Ron, and Hermione gathered up their books and while Ron and Harry went to McGonagall¡¦s desk and Hermione waited anxiously by the door. 

¡§Granger. You may come too.¡¨ She rose from her chair, and beckoned them to follow. Casting confused glances at each other, they proceeded down the hall. Reaching the stone gargoyle by the wall, McGonagall whispered the password and it jumped aside, revealing a large door. They promenaded up the spiraling stairs into another oak door. McGonagall knocked briskly, and Albus Dumbledore, considered the greatest wizard there ever was, opened the door, beaming. 

¡§Do come in, Harry, Ron¡K I see you¡¦ve brought Hermione too?¡¨ 

McGonagall had no time to answer, for Dumbledore, Hermione, Harry, and Ron had disappeared in a poof of green smoke. 

***

Numair watched the newcomers with bewilderment. _This wasn¡¦t supposed to happen_, he thought anxiously. 

Niko was the first to get up. ¡§Kindly tell me where we are, sir, and why my students and I have been brought in such a harsh manner?¡¨

Numair fumbled. ¡§Why don¡¦t you all get yourselves acquainted, and I¡¦ll be right back?¡¨ he suggested nervously. They were all gazing at each other warily. 

¡§_Daine_!¡¨ Numair yelled. ¡§Something ¡V uh, happened!¡¨

A young woman with dirty work clothes on came in. ¡§Numair ¡V ¡¨ she began, then saw their guests. ¡§Oh,¡¨ she gasped. ¡§We have company! Let me go change, excuse me.¡¨ 

¡§She¡¦s a good-lookin¡¦ ¡¥un,¡¨ Briar whispered to Sandry, who shot him an evil glare.

¡§That was Daine,¡¨ Numair muttered. He pointed at random to a black-haired, green-eyed boy. ¡§Who are you?¡¨ 

Ron shot up. ¡§You don¡¦t know who Harry is? Harry Potter? As in, You-Know-Who¡¦s downfall?¡¨

Numair looked embarrassed. ¡§I don¡¦t know who. Wait, who¡¦s who?¡¨

The boy stood. ¡§I¡¦m Harry Potter, umm¡K¡¨

¡§Numair. Numair Samalin.¡¨ 

Daine rushed back into the room, in decent clothes. ¡§Numair, why didn¡¦t you tell me we had guests?¡¨

¡§I didn¡¦t know myself,¡¨ the befuddled mage replied.

¡§We should take them to Jon.¡¨

¡§Yes, we should,¡¨ the still confused Numair agreed.

Three minutes later they were filing down a hall, Numair in the lead. He stopped in front of a large door and knocked for politeness, but barged in anyway. ¡§Jon,¡¨ he muttered. ¡§We have¡K visitors.¡¨ 

The king rose, smiling at the group. ¡§Welcome to Tortall,¡¨ he greeted graciously. ¡§Where are you all from?¡¨ 

¡§I¡¦ve never heard of this place before,¡¨ Hermione mused. ¡§I thought I¡¦d read everything about geography! I even knew about Hogwarts and magic and ¡V ¡¨

¡§If Hermione didn¡¦t know about this,¡¨ Harry gasped in mock surprise. ¡§It must not exist!¡¨

¡§Even you don¡¦t know everything, Hermione,¡¨ Ron added. ¡§Although that must be quite a shock for you.¡¨

Hermione glared daggers at both of them. ¡§We¡¦re from Hogwarts,¡¨ she explained, indicating her, Harry, Ron, and Dumbledore. ¡§The magical school in Britain? One of the best. Your majesty.¡¨

Jon nodded, and turned to the rest. ¡§What about you?¡¨

Niko spoke for them. ¡§We come from Emelan. This is Sandrilene fa Toren, Trisana Chandler, Daja Kisubo, and Briar Moss.¡¨

¡§Numair, did you introduce yourselves to these people?¡¨ Jon asked.

Flushing, Numair turned to them. ¡§Numair Samalin, black-robe mage.¡¨

¡§What does that mean?¡¨

¡§I¡¦ve got the Gift, and I¡¦m trained in it.¡¨

Ron looked confused. ¡§I get lots of gifts at Christmas.¡¨ 

¡§We exchange gifts at Midwinter too, but _the _Gift is magic. See?¡¨ Numair conjured up a shimmer of his black magic.

¡§We have magic too!¡¨ Hermione exclaimed. She pulled out her wand and did a loop-de-loop of sparks. 

¡§Our magic is more¡K unusual,¡¨ Sandry stated. An unruly thread on Jon¡¦s tunic stretched and sewed itself back into place. ¡§I specialize in thread magic, Daja in smith magic, Briar in plant magic, and Tris in weather.¡¨

¡§Amazing,¡¨ Jon murmured. ¡§Would the head of the groups here meet in my room to talk? We need to decide what to do about this¡K situation.¡¨

Messed up right now, I know. If you¡¦d only review, I¡¦d continue, and you¡¦ll see. 


	2. Of Bunnies, Chaos, and A Duel

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One.

A/N: I¡¦m so sorry it took me so long to get this second chapter up, but you see, I _had _it, but then I reread it, and it wasn¡¦t funny at all, so I had to redo it. Sorry.

Another A/N: Kel is a squire in this, ¡¥cause I¡¦m redoing the thing with Cleon. KEL AND NEAL FOREVER!!! And someone mentioned in their review they couldn¡¦t imagine Numair being confused¡K well, this is humor, isn¡¦t it?

Another A/N: **VERY IMPORTANT!!! **I am not one for dirty language and all that, so I¡¦ll just use ¡§Jacuzzi¡¨ for the (ahem) words. That¡¦s what I say. (shrugs)

Our Favorite Mages Meet!

Chapter Two 

The mages were going crazy with the effort of trying to remain civil. King Jon was the king, and couldn¡¦t exactly yell at the very people he¡¦d welcomed into Tortall to shut up, Niko was a guest and had to preserve Emelan¡¦s reputation, and Numair had to respect the king¡¦s presence. They had long before figured out something was wrong with Dumbledore. Niko had asked him what he planned to do about the situation.

Dumbledore had blinked and answered, ¡§I like bunnies. They¡¦re fluffy and cuddly.¡¨

So they got on without him and Dumbledore, oblivious to the tension, had only added to it. ¡§Bunnies are cute,¡¨ he kept saying in a singsong voice.

¡§You old f ¡V ¡¨ Niko had started to bellow, but he remembered Jon. ¡§Begging your majesty¡¦s pardon,¡¨ he quickly amended.

Jon only looked as if he wanted to add to what Niko had to say.

There was also a constant raging jealousy between Numair and Niko. ¡§In Emelan, we have no cheap mages who call themselves the greatest,¡¨ Niko had commented casually once, obviously meaning Numair.

¡§_Why don¡¦t you freaking_¡V¡¨ Numair had screeched, but then stopped with Jon¡¦s reproving glare. 

¡§Now, now, gentlemen, we don¡¦t want to go about starting an argument, do we?¡¨ he had asked mildly.

Finally, both Numair and Niko lost it. 

¡§Shut the [Jacuzzi] up about what Emelan has and Tortall doesn¡¦t!¡¨ Numair screamed at Niko.

¡§Why don¡¦t you [Jacuzzi-ing] go to [Jacuzzi]?!¡¨ Niko had yelled back.

¡§Why don¡¦t _you_?¡¨

¡§Ahh, you¡¦re too [Jacuzzi] for me to bother with,¡¨ Niko had retorted hotly.

¡§Shut up, you [Jacuzzis]!!!¡¨ Jon screeched then.

Numair and Niko looked at each other. ¡§Did you just call us ¡V [Jacuzzis]?¡¨ Numair repeated dangerously.

¡§Yeah! Tell you what, you¡¦re also [Jacuzzis] and [Jacuzzis] and [Jacuzzi-ing Jacuzzis] ¡V¡¨

Numair got [Jacuzzied off] and turned Jon into a bunny.

¡§A _bunny_!!!¡¨ Dumbledore squealed. ¡§I _love _bunnies!¡¨

¡§We [Jacuzzied] well _know_!¡¨ Niko bellowed.

Jon the Bunny struggled wildly, but Dumbledore reached over and promptly picked him up and cuddled him. ¡§Bunnies are so cuddly! I¡¦ll love you forever and ever and ever¡K¡¨

The bunny relieved himself right on Dumbledore¡¦s lap. 

Numair and Niko burst into laughter and couldn¡¦t stop. Dumbledore burst into _tears_ and sobbed, ¡§Bunny, how could you? I thought you loved me! Why? Why?¡¨

Just then, someone rushed in, startled by the commotion. Seeing the chaos, he asked, ¡§Where¡¦s the king?¡¨

Dumbledore pointed tearfully at the white bunny.

The man¡¦s eyes widened and he backed out of the room very, very slowly. Suddenly he turned around and started shouting, ¡§The Scanrans are coming! The Scanrans are coming!¡¨

¡§Paul Revere!¡¨ Dumbledore clapped his hands together. ¡§I¡¦ve always wanted to meet Paul Revere! He¡¦s my hero!¡¨ Eyes shining with admiration, he ran out, the bunny¡¦s waste still stained on his long wizard¡¦s robe.

¡§Who¡¦s Paul Revere?¡¨ Numair asked.

Niko shrugged, and they went back to fighting.

Meanwhile, the people in the palace, seeing Dumbledore chasing after ¡§Paul Revere,¡¨ were shocked. But they heard, ¡§The Scanrans are coming!¡¨ and immediately got into action. 

¡§Pages and squires, ready for duty?¡¨ Lord Wyldon hollered. 

¡§Yes, sir!¡¨ they shouted.

¡§Isn¡¦t it ¡¥yes, my lord¡¦?¡¨ Owen asked. The others shrugged.

They marched out to the battlefield with The King¡¦s Own and The Queen¡¦s Riders. Crouched and ready to fight, they waited. 

Silence.

Just then Numair and Niko rushed into sight. ¡§You [_Jacuzzis_]!!!!!¡¨ they screamed. ¡§There are no [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi] Scanrans attacking us!!!!¡¨

¡§Oh.¡¨

They marched back to the palace, grumbling and annoyed. Just then, ¡§Paul Revere¡¨ came running to them gasping with fright and exhaustion. ¡§It¡¦s him!¡¨ he screeched. ¡§It¡¦s the insane [Jacuzzi]!!¡¨

Dumbledore appeared, still cuddling Jon the Bunny. 

¡§What¡¦s that you¡¦ve got there?¡¨ Wyldon asked suspiciously. 

¡§It¡¦s the king!¡¨ Dumbledore squealed.

¡§Assault!¡¨ Wyldon shouted. ¡§This ¡V this [Jacuzzi] has deliberately morphed our king into some ¡V some [Jacuzzi] rabbit!¡¨

¡§It¡¦s a bunny!¡¨ Dumbledore shouted. Hurt and confused, he changed Lord Wyldon into a squid. 

The pages/squires gasped to see Wyldon squirming on the floor as a gushy, slippery squid. Dumbledore reached down, picked it up, and threw it into the cook¡¦s pot of boiling water. Wyldon the squid shot up like a rocket and landed on Kel. 

Kel freaked out. ¡§AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!¡¨ she screamed.

Both Neal and Cleon jumped to the rescue. ¡§I¡¦ll save you, Kel!¡¨ they shouted in unison. Then they glared at each other.

¡§Kel¡¦s mine,¡¨ Cleon intoned murderously.

¡§She might prefer me,¡¨ Neal retorted.

Cleon shrieked a war cry and attacked him.

¡§Oh, honestly,¡¨ Kel huffed exasperatedly, picking off the squid herself. 

***

Meanwhile¡K

¡§So¡K¡¨ 

¡§Huh¡K¡¨

¡§Well¡K¡¨

¡§Hmm¡K¡¨

Sandry, Hermione, Tris, Harry, Briar, Ron, and Daja were sitting around in one of the palace rooms, trying to make conversation. All of a sudden, a commotion started outside.

They stared in astonishment as a strange sight greeted them ¡V Dumbledore chasing after a man screaming, ¡§The Scanrans are coming!¡¨

¡§Who¡¦re the Scanrans?¡¨ Tris asked. 

¡§I¡¦m not sure,¡¨ Harry answered.

¡§I thought Dumbledore was acting strange ¡V not talking and looking all dazed,¡¨ Hermione confided loftily.

¡§Hmm¡K¡¨ was all Ron said.

They sat around in silence again.

***

¡§You [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi]!!!¡¨

¡§You¡¦re the [Jacuzzi] around here!¡¨

¡§No way!¡¨

¡§Yes way!¡¨

¡§No!¡¨

¡§Yes!¡¨

¡§No!¡¨

¡§Yes!¡¨

¡§Yes!¡¨

¡§No!¡¨

¡§Ha, tricked you, [Jacuzzi]!¡¨

Niko and Numair were still arguing. 

¡§I challenge you to a duel!¡¨

¡§Right on!¡¨

Niko¡K and Numair¡K dueling¡K

Sorry that was so short, and I know it could be funnier¡K I¡¦ve blanked out. Heh heh. Review as always. (smiles charmingly)


	3. The Duel

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One.

A/N: Huh¡K

Our Favorite Mages Meet! Chapter Three 

Hermione, Harry, Ron, Sandry, Tris, Daja, and Briar were still sitting dully making idle conversation. Then¡K a messenger popped his head in the room. ¡§Masters Numair Samalin and Niklaren Goldeye have challenged each other to a duel! The eleventh hour, today!¡¨ Breathlessly, he turned to announce the news to the others.

Soon, the room was filled with chattering excitement. ¡§Niko will surely win,¡¨ Sandry exclaimed, eyes shining. ¡§I feel sorry for ¡V who was it? ¡V Master Namoor Salamander. He doesn¡¦t know what he¡¦s in for. Niko is the most powerful mage who _ever _lived!¡¨ she babbled.

¡§Oh, stop with the girly chatter,¡¨ Briar drawled. ¡§I wonder what Niko¡¦s gonna do to him¡K?¡¨

And they began comparing spells from their different worlds.

***

Neal and Cleon were still fighting over Kel. They¡¦d ignored the herald who¡¦d told them about the duel, but had kept disputing themselves.

¡§You [Jacuzzi],¡¨ Cleon snarled. ¡§She¡¦s mine mine _mine_!¡¨

¡§Kel and Cleon. Kel and Cleon. Kel and _Cleon_? Your _names _don¡¦t even go together!¡¨ Neal sneered loftily. ¡§Now, Kel and _Neal_¡K doesn¡¦t it sound like we¡¦re a pair?¡¨

¡§No!¡¨

¡§[Jacuzzi]!¡¨ 

¡§[Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi]!¡¨

¡§[Jacuzzi] [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi]!¡¨

¡§What the [Jacuzzi], I¡¦ll just go get Kel myself!¡¨

¡§No! You can¡¦t, ¡¥cause I¡¦m gonna get her first!¡¨

Kel stomped into the room, and the boys were immediately all over themselves.

¡§Milady Kel!¡¨

¡§Blossom of my heart, extravagant rose¡K¡¨

¡§You eyes are like gems in the sun¡V [Jacuzzi] what kind of gem is hazel?¡¨ 

¡§Oh, [Jacuzzi] you all!¡¨ Kel sniffed. 

¡§Choose, fair Keladry, which one of us you desire¡K¡¨

¡§I¡¦ll think about it.¡¨

Neal offered her a bouquet of fresh roses, Cleon a melted box of chocolates. Kel accepted Neal¡¦s roses, and threw Cleon¡¦s gift away when she touched the box and her fingers came away with sticky, melted chocolate.

Kel opened her mouth ¡V Neal watching eagerly, Cleon, crestfallen, was still hopeful¡K

¡§It¡¦s time for the duel!¡¨ Merric looked at Kel, Neal, Cleon, and the roses. ¡§Say, what hap ¡V ¡¨

¡§Nothing,¡¨ Neal replied loudly. ¡§Let¡¦s go.¡¨

The pages and squires filed into the dueling room, buzzing with excitement. Bets flew everywhere, and the favorite was Numair.

Niko and Numair were on opposite sides of the arena. They glared daggers at each other and mouthed insults. Finally, as Jon was ¡§unable¡¨ to, Queen Thayet, red- and puffy-eyed, still weeping over her king, signaled them to start.

Niko, furious at being the underdog, attacked first. Numair was suddenly bombarded by a hive of bees.

¡§AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!¡¨ he screamed as the bees stung him.

¡§Numair!¡¨ Daine wailed. ¡§Numair!¡¨

¡§Forget about _him_,¡¨ Briar hooted. ¡§How¡¦d ya like t¡¦come with me sometime?¡¨ 

Numair, annoyed and still trying to slap bees away, cursed Briar, who suddenly found himself covered in sticky, goopy honey. ¡§Can¡¦t ¡V breathe,¡¨ he gasped. ¡§Need ¡V air¡K¡¨

Numair turned his attention to Niko, who was preparing another spell. Niko soon was trying vainly to untangle himself from a cluster of sharp brambles. ¡§Briar!¡¨ he bellowed. 

Briar was still oozing honey, but in his mind he asked the vines to please stop bothering Niko. They agreed wholeheartedly, and slowly shrank out of sight.

¡§Foul!¡¨ Numair shrieked. ¡§Interference from ¡V from a spectator!¡¨

¡§What does it matter?¡¨ Niko retorted. He shot a stream of water at Numair. ¡§Wrong spell,¡¨ he muttered.

Numair attacked with ribbons of gauze, binding Niko¡¦s arms and legs so he couldn¡¦t move. ¡§Sandry!¡¨

The threads began to unravel themselves, freeing Niko. Numair was outraged. ¡§That¡¦s it!¡¨ Niko found himself encased in a metal cube. Sighing, he thought, _When will he ever get it_? It gradually melted, courtesy of Daja. 

¡§Why is it that every time I curse you, one of your students are mages in that area exactly?¡¨ Numair was about to pop. ¡§What¡¦s she?¡¨ he asked, pointing to Tris. A lightning bolt formed at the ceiling, and as it was about to strike Niko, Tris stopped it and instead, it sizzled Numair. Amidst the smoke, the audience could hear him crying, ¡§I yield! I yield! Mithros, Mynoss, and Shakith, I yield!¡¨

A triumphant Niko marched in front of the stunned crowd. Slowly, a mighty uproar filled the stadium, particularly the circle. 

Then it stopped. Niko whirled, and discovered that a blackened Numair had put a silencing spell on the audience. ¡§I demand a rematch!¡¨ he shouted.

Niko blinked. ¡§But I won!¡¨ 

¡§It¡¦s called a _rematch_, [Jacuzzi]!¡¨

¡§Oh.¡¨

¡§So¡K¡¨

¡§Okay.¡¨

¡§[Jacuzzi]!¡¨

¡§[Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi]!¡¨

All right, that was lame. Very sad. Oh well¡K Please review as always, even if they _are _flames¡K (sigh) Sorry to disappoint you all. 


	4. Some In-Between TidBits

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One.

A/N: This is really getting quite pathetic. As for the people that have read my reviews and previous stories, you know it¡¦s obvious if Kel will pick Neal or Cleon. By the way, everyone is totally OOC, but who cares? It¡¦s humor¡K 

Our Favorite Mages Meet!

Chapter Four 

Kel was just about to give the guys her decision. 

¡§Kel, pick me, Kel!¡¨ Cleon pleaded.

¡§No way would you choose _that_ slug,¡¨ Neal scoffed. ¡§I¡¦m older, taller, better¡K¡¨

¡§I¡¦ve got ¡V¡¨ Cleon countered desperately. ¡§I¡¦ve got red hair!¡¨

¡§So I¡¦ve got brown.¡¨

Cleon threw himself at Neal, and they started to fight.

¡§Stop doing that, or I won¡¦t pick either one of you!¡¨ Kel snapped.

They stopped.

¡§Umm¡K Neal, I guess.¡¨ Cleon, stricken, in a last attempt to even it out, gave the chosen a black eye.

¡§You [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi] [Jacuzzi]!¡¨ Neal screamed, cupping his injury. Then he remembered something. ¡§Oh, yeah, I have my Gift, don¡¦t I?¡¨ He healed the rapidly swelling bruise.

¡§Cleon!¡¨ Kel shrieked. ¡§How could you?¡¨ She burst into tears. 

¡§Kel, I ¡V I¡K¡¨ Cleon stuttered, amazed to see Kel crying. 

¡§Just because Neal¡¦s better than you,¡¨ she wailed. ¡§Doesn¡¦t mean you can give him a black eye!¡¨ 

¡§Yeah,¡¨ Neal pouted. 

¡§I¡¦m sorry, Kel!¡¨ Cleon bawled. ¡§This is too much for my miniscule brain to handle! I can¡¦t take this! I don¡¦t retain information easily!¡¨ He ran away, screaming.

Kel stopped crying. ¡§That¡¦s better. I never did like him much.¡¨

All of a sudden, Neal fainted.

¡§What happened there?¡¨ It was Dom. ¡§Why¡¦s the Meathead lying on the floor?¡¨

Kel shrugged. ¡§I dunno.¡¨

¡§Just wanted to let you know, the next duel is two days from now.¡¨ 

Kel studied him. ¡§Say, you¡¦ve got a nice smile.¡¨

¡§What? Uh¡K thanks.¡¨

Neal awoke, to see Kel watching his cousin. ¡§Kel?¡¨ he muttered groggily. ¡§That you, Dom?¡¨

¡§Neal, I¡¦m sorry. I choose Dom.¡¨

¡§NOOOOOO!!!¡¨ Neal screamed. ¡§Dom, I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!¡¨

Dom had no idea what was going on. ¡§Choose me for what, Kel?¡¨

She couldn¡¦t answer, because Neal had started assailing him.

¡§Not again¡K¡¨ Kel muttered. She strode away.

***

Sandry, Tris, Briar, Daja, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting around again. Then two boys who looked strangely alike and were trying to beat each other up came in, followed by a tall, brown-haired, freckled girl.

¡§What¡¦s up?¡¨ asked Ron, bewildered.

The girl sighed. ¡§You must be the mages¡¦ students.¡¨

¡§Yes, we are,¡¨ Daja confirmed.

¡§Well, I told Neal I had chosen him, and then Dom came along, and I picked him instead. They¡¦re cousins,¡¨ she added, eyeing them both as they scuffled.

¡§That _would _cause problems,¡¨ Hermione agreed.

¡§Chosen them for what?¡¨ Harry asked, befuddled.

¡§They like her,¡¨ Sandry hissed.

¡§Ah.¡¨

Neal and Dom were still fighting. ¡§Get off me!¡¨ Dom¡¦s shout was muffled.

¡§She¡¦s mine!¡¨ Neal snarled.

¡§Yeah, I know! Just get off!¡¨

Neal released him. ¡§Huh?¡¨

¡§She¡¦s yours, whatever, I don¡¦t even know what¡¦s happening!¡¨

¡§But I ¡V I saw you ¡V you were¡K¡¨

¡§I don¡¦t know!¡¨

Neal staggered over to where Kel was. ¡§Kel,¡¨ he gasped.

¡§I¡¦m with Dom now, [Jacuzzi].¡¨

¡§You are?¡¨ asked Dom, surprised.

¡§Yes!¡¨

Neal glowered at them both. ¡§Then who am I with now?¡¨

Tris opened her mouth. ¡§Hey, who¡¦s the pig?¡¨ asked Neal. Everyone looked at Tris. She glared at them. ¡§What?¡¨

¡§Her name¡¦s Trisana Chandler,¡¨ Briar drawled. ¡§And just to let you now, she¡¦s got her eye on you.¡¨

Neal looked appalled and offended. ¡§But ¡V but I don¡¦t even know her! How could I _ever _like someone like ¡V like her?¡¨

Tris burst into tears. ¡§I know I¡¦m fat!¡¨ she howled. ¡§Don¡¦t rub it in!¡¨

¡§What is happening here?¡¨ Dom shouted.

¡§You¡¦re with me now, Dom. Me¡K you¡K a pair,¡¨ explained Kel.

¡§What¡K?¡¨

Kel sighed. ¡§Maybe Neal¡¦s better after all.¡¨

Neal jumped ecstatically into the air. ¡§Yes!¡¨ he screamed.

¡§I said ¡¥_maybe_.¡¦¡¨ Kel glared at him. 

***

Thayet sobbed as she looked at her husband¡¦s Champion. ¡§Alanna,¡¨ she wailed. ¡§Jon, my dearest Jon, has been turned into a _bunny_!¡¨ She was red, blotchy, and tear-stained.

¡§Oh, get over it. He never was much anyway.¡¨ The Lioness stared defiantly at the white bunny, sitting in a cage. It had had to be taken by force from Dumbledore by Sir Raoul, Knight Commander of the King¡¦s Own, personally. 

¡§But he was _mine_!¡¨ A fresh flood of tears overcame the queen. 

¡§Come to think of it¡K¡¨ Alanna strode over to the wood cage on the table. ¡§Jon, if you can hear this, good for you, if you can¡¦t, that¡¦s too bad. Listen here, mister, this attitude thing started way back in the desert, that day when you visited me¡K¡¨

Thayet sobbed. ¡§Oh, Alanna, _don¡¦t_! He¡¦s a bunny! An innocent, naive bunny! He won¡¦t understand!¡¨

¡§¡KAnd that thing with the girl Keladry ¡V what? Oh, we can fix that problem.¡¨ She stepped out of the room, only to return a few minutes later with Daine in tow. 

¡§This is Jon,¡¨ Alanna explained. ¡§Could you tell him a few things?¡¨

Daine, bewildered, agreed. ¡§Tell him that I don¡¦t know what happened to his ego, but it¡¦s blown way up since we were pages¡K¡¨ The Wildmage looked worriedly at the queen. ¡§Thayet, are you all right?¡¨

¡§Pay attention!¡¨ Alanna cried. ¡§This is important! And also, the jealousy factor with Josiane, didn¡¦t work, did it? I found George¡K¡¨

Daine was frantically trying to translate this all to an indignant Jon. ¡§He says,¡¨ she interpreted, ¡§He doesn¡¦t really care, and he¡¦s heard this all before.¡¨

Alanna, rapidly turning a splotchy scarlet, shouted, ¡§I don¡¦t care either! You will listen, and you will retain this information! The thing on your coronation, and borrowing my Gift, I didn¡¦t like that so much, it was only because Si-cham¡K¡¨

Daine deciphered, ¡§He wants to know if you¡¦re going to ignore him for four-plus years again because of all this.¡¨

Alanna, an attractive crimson now, screamed, ¡§By the Goddess, I should!¡¨

¡§He says he¡¦s sorry he brought it up.¡¨

Listening to all this only made Thayet¡¦s sobs increase.

***

¡§Let¡¦s play charades,¡¨ Hermione declared.

They agreed, as they had nothing better to do. They all wrote down a bunch of things/actions to imitate on slips of paper, folded them up, and stuffed it into a sack. ¡§Who wants to go first?¡¨ 

Ron volunteered. He selected a slip of paper, then went outside the room to plan. Opening it, he read, ¡§London Bridge is falling down.¡¨ 

¡§What the [Jacuzzi]? Of all the ones I could¡¦ve gotten, I had to pick a [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi] bridge?¡¨

¡§It¡¦s time, Ron!¡¨ someone called. 

Muttering darkly, he stepped inside. Walking up to the front of the room, he thought anxiously about what to do. 

¡§We¡¦re waiting¡K¡¨

Ron collapsed onto the floor.

¡§He¡¦s hurt!¡¨ Hermione cried hysterically.

¡§It could be part of his act,¡¨ Daja pointed out sensibly.

¡§It¡¦s seeing Neal come into the room,¡¨ Tris murmured.

Neal, disgusted, gave his prediction. ¡§The look on his face was clearly one of distaste. I say it¡¦s seeing Tris coming in the room.¡¨

¡§Jousting with Lord Raoul,¡¨ Kel muttered.

¡§London Bridge is falling down,¡¨ Harry mumbled.

Ron shot up. ¡§How¡¦d you know?¡¨

¡§I wrote it.¡¨

Everyone groaned. ¡§Harry! You aren¡¦t supposed to tell if you _wrote_ it!¡¨

¡§Er ¡V ¡¨

¡§Never mind. You can go next.¡¨

Harry got up, chose a slip, and trudged outside. He unfolded and read it. ¡§Imitate Mithros,¡¨ someone had scrawled. ¡§What?¡¨ he cried in dismay. ¡§How am I supposed to ¡V how can I ¡V what? Who _is _Mithros anyway? Oh, I remember Lord Wyldon talking about him¡K it was in their prayer¡K Oh, I know! It¡¦s probably the person who founded Tortall.¡¨

¡§Time¡¦s up!¡¨

He traipsed back inside, to the front of the room. How to imitate a founder? Harry stretched his arms wide, trying to gesture to everything around them. 

¡§Long? Wide?¡¨

¡§Fat?¡¨

He traced a shield in the air. Mithros probably had to fight for his land.

¡§A heart?¡¨

¡§No, I¡¦m sure it was a square¡K¡¨

After much debating, they finally gave up.

¡§It was Mithros.¡¨

Kel, Dom, and Neal instantly stifled laughter.

¡§What? Isn¡¦t he the founder of Tortall?¡¨

At that, they fell onto the floor, snorting. ¡§It¡¦s ¡V one of ¡V our ¡V _gods_,¡¨ they gasped in between giggles.

Sandry covered a smile, Tris snorted, Daja turned away, Briar snickered, Ron grinned, and Hermione looked interested. ¡§What is your religion anyway? You have multiple gods? How do you worship?¡¨

Interesting. I noticed that this in-between stuff made a longer chapter than the main plot. Does that mean anything¡K? 

**Read this paragraph, it is very important!!! **This stuff is strictly strictly humor. HUMOR!!! See, Kel CANNOT be with Cleon, even in humor, so she¡¦s with Neal, but I thought it would be a twist if she wanted Dom. But that¡¦s not possible, ¡¥cause Dom¡¦s with _me_!!!Me, A Knight of Tortall. I wanted to join the Queen¡¦s Riders, but come to think of it, I should join the King¡¦s Own. Then I can be with my Dom¡K (looks around as people stare at her) What? Well, Kel¡¦s obviously with Neal, so I can¡¦t have him, and Dom is the next best thing. So, he¡¦s mine. Hehehe. Review please please please, pretty please, or I¡¦ll sic Dom on you. (tries to look ferocious) He¡¦s pretty flashy with a sword¡K****


	5. She Loves You Not (The Second Duel)

Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One.

A/N: Tropicalfrost86, thanks for the suggestion! I will keep it in mind¡K come to think of it, it is a very good idea¡K I will use it, thank you.;-)But KEL AND NEAL FOREVER!!! YEAH! Remember people, this is HUMOR.

Our Favorite Mages Meet!

Chapter Five

Harry found himself staring at the girl, Kel. _Oh no_, he thought with a start. _She likes Dom, not me¡K just like Cho and Cedric. _

_But Dom doesn¡¦t like her back, does he_? another part of his brain said. _Shut up_, he told himself crossly.

Just then, Kel stormed into the room, screaming and red with rage, Dom in tow. ¡§I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!¡¨ 

¡§What?¡¨ said Dom, startled.

¡§Nothing! Neal, come on.¡¨

Neal looked like a dream had come true. ¡§Yes!¡¨ he screamed. ¡§I am THE one!¡¨

Harry didn¡¦t know what came over him.

¡§_I _am the one! Kel loves me!¡¨

Now Kel was confused. ¡§I do?¡¨

¡§Yes.¡¨

¡§This is too confusing!¡¨ Kel stamped her foot. ¡§I don¡¦t like this.¡¨

Neal, in a spitting fury, started screaming the song ¡§He Loves You Not¡¨ with a twist:

¡§Give it your all boy, give it all you got, 

_You can take a chance, take your best shot,_

_Say what you want boy, do whatcha do,_

_But she¡¦s never gonna, gonna make it with you._

_ _

¡§_You¡¦re pullin¡¦ petals of a flower, tryin¡¦ to getcha way,_

_Keep pullin¡¦ til it says what you wanna say,_

_Boy you can pick a field full of daisies,_

_But she¡¦d still be my baby._

_ _

¡§_And I know you can hardly wait til I¡¦m away from her,_

_She instinctively, I know what you¡¦re thinking,¡¦_

_You¡¦ll be givin¡¦ her an open invitation,_

_But my baby won¡¦t be taken in¡K_

_ _

¡§_You can pout your cherry lips, _

_Tryin¡¦ to tempt her with a sweet kiss,_

_You can bat your emerald eyes,_

_But she ain¡¦t got her hands tied¡K_

_ _

¡§_No chains to unlock, so free to do what she wants,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got,_

_She loves me, she loves you not,_

_No matter what you do, she¡¦s never gonna be with you,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got,_

_She loves me, she loves you not._

_ _

¡§_You¡¦re the kinda guy that¡¦s always up for do or dare,_

_Only want her just because she¡¦s there,_

_Always lookin¡¦ for a new ride,_

_The grass is greener on the other side,_

_You¡¦re the kinda guy who¡¦s not used to hearin¡¦ no,_

_All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go,_

_You¡¦re like a player actin¡¦ a part,_

_You¡¦re never gonna get in her heart._

_ _

¡§_No chains to unlock, so free to do what she wants,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got,_

_She loves me, she loves you not,_

_No matter what you do, she¡¦s never gonna be with you,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got, _

_She loves me, she loves you not,_

_ _

¡§_Give it your all boy, give it all you got,_

_You can take a chance, take your best shot,_

_Say what you want boy, do whatcha do,_

_She¡¦s never gonna, gonna make it with you._

_ _

¡§_You can pout your cherry lips,_

_Tryin¡¦ to tempt her with a sweet kiss,_

_You can bat your green, green eyes,_

_But she ain¡¦t got her hands tied¡K_

_ _

¡§_No chains to unlock, so free to do what she wants,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got,_

_She loves me, she loves you not,_

_No matter what you do, she¡¦s never gonna be with you,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got, _

_She loves me, she loves you not._

_ _

¡§_No chains to unlock, so free to do what she wants,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got,_

_She loves me, she loves you not,_

_No matter what you do, she¡¦s never gonna be with you,_

_She¡¦s into what she¡¦s got, _

_She loves me, she loves you not._

_ _

There was a stunned silence for a moment, and everyone began to applaud. Everyone but Harry, that is. ¡§I didn¡¦t know you were a singer, Neal!¡¨ Kel exclaimed, her eyes shining with admiration. 

¡§Me neither,¡¨ commented Neal.

¡§Yeah, you could make a whole routine!¡¨ cried Tris. ¡§I¡¦ll be one of the dancers,¡¨ she offered.

He looked at her distastefully.

¡§[Jacuzzi],¡¨ Harry sneered. ¡§I challenge you to a duel. Whoever wins gets Kel.¡¨

¡§Harry!¡¨ Ron and Hermione gasped in unison.

¡§This will be _grand_.¡¨ Sandry clapped her hands together. ¡§Two duels to look forward to!¡¨

Briar was laughing.

¡§I just hope they don¡¦t blast each other to bits,¡¨ Daja sighed.

Both Tris and Kel were crying, ¡§Oh, Neal, don¡¦t!¡¨

¡§You only have the Gift of healing!¡¨ Kel squealed, hugging him around the shoulders. ¡§Not whatever _he _has!¡¨

Dom was snickering. ¡§This will be amusing ¡V Meathead against the guy with a scar.¡¨

Harry glared. ¡§I¡¦ve got a _name_, you know.¡¨ He turned back to look at Kel and Neal. ¡§What¡¦s he got that I don¡¦t?¡¨ he challenged.

Kel was staring dazedly into Neal¡¦s eyes. ¡§Green eyes,¡¨ she answered dreamily.

¡§I¡¦ve got them too!¡¨ Harry cried triumphantly.

Kel looked more closely at him and was immediately mesmerized.

Neal snarled and socked him, knocking his glasses askew. ¡§What was that for?¡¨ he asked groggily.

¡§For having green eyes like me!¡¨

¡§Ah.¡¨

Ron instantly jumped to his friend¡¦s defense, giving Neal a blow while Harry recovered. Hermione helped in another way ¡V using the Leg Locker curse on Neal. Dom, seeing three against one (who was Leg-Locked), yelled, ¡§This one¡¦s for Meathead!¡¨ and thwacked Harry soundly about the head. Kel, furious on seeing Neal in that condition, screamed a war cry and threw herself at Hermione knocking her wand away. Hermione desperately tried to regain it, but it was no use. Kel had it, and it would stay that way, unless she was an excellent Yamani fighter¡K 

***

¡§Shhh¡K¡¨

¡§Be quiet!¡¨

¡§If Numair found out, he¡¦d kill you, Daine!¡¨

¡§Well, he¡¦s not going to find out, because you¡¦re going to keep quiet, aren¡¦t you, Alanna?¡¨

The Lioness grumbled.

¡§All right, it¡¦s safe¡K We can go in!¡¨

¡§I don¡¦t like this¡K¡¨

¡§Just do it!¡¨

Alanna¡¦s purple fire streamed through Niko¡¦s sleeping form, and the couple crept silently back into the hall.

***

It was time for the next duel. Numair and Niko were glowering murderously at each other, and before she signaled them to start, Thayet added that they were _not _aiming to kill. 

Niko attacked first again, and suddenly¡K a gerbil appeared? ¡§What the [Jacuzzi]? [Jacuzzi] this [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi] ¡V ¡¨ But it turned out to be vicious with sharp teeth. It lunged at Numair, and the last second ¡V turned away. Numair turned to see Daine, sweating with her fists clenched, concentrating on calling the gerbil away.

He attacked again. This time, a huge, slithering python appeared¡K long and menacing, deadly and poisonous. ¡§[Jacuzzi]!¡¨ Niko screamed. ¡§That was not what I wanted to happen!¡¨ The python was poised, ready to strike ¡V a strange hissing sound escaped from Harry. It slumped to the floor, and slithered away. 

¡§What happened?¡¨ Kel gasped. 

¡§I¡¦m a Parselmouth,¡¨ Harry replied smugly. ¡§I can talk to snakes.¡¨

Kel gazed at him flatteringly. ¡§I don¡¦t think Neal can do that,¡¨ she mused, and scooted closer to Harry. Neal growled and was about to blast him with his Gift, but just then, a large, fuzzy koala had just appeared and Daine was calling it away again. Niko was purple with fury, and more animals emerged by the minute. 

¡§Someone has done something to my magic!¡¨ he roared. 

Alanna and Daine tried their best to look innocent. 

Finally, Alanna couldn¡¦t hold it in any longer. ¡§What about when your students helped you?¡¨ 

¡§It was you!¡¨ he screeched. ¡§Why I oughta¡K¡¨ He blasted her, but instead, a black kitten popped out of the air. 

¡§Faithful!¡¨ Alanna cried. ¡§Is it you?¡¨ She looked into the kitten¡¦s eyes. ¡§[Jacuzzi] it! They¡¦re not purple!¡¨

Meanwhile, Daine asked all the animals to please come and assault Niko, as he was being a pain. They agreed, and soon enough, the audience heard cries of, ¡§I yield! What the ¡V get away from me, you [Jacuzzi] dingo! Get away! I yield!¡¨

***

Numair was soon summoned by Thayet. ¡§What is it, Thayet?¡¨ he asked.

¡§I was wondering ¡V could you please _please _turn Jon back into a human? I miss him so much¡K¡¨

He was tempted to leave the king in that state. ¡§I don¡¦t know how,¡¨ he lied. ¡§I¡¦ll have to send someone to the City of the Gods. It¡¦s too complicated. You can¡¦t just mess with stuff like this.¡¨

The queen burst into unhappy sobs. ¡§I miss my Jon!¡¨ she howled.

¡§Thayet, get a grip! I mean, you¡¦re the _queen_. Queens don¡¦t mope just because their kings got turned into a rabbit!¡¨

Just then, Dumbledore burst in. ¡§It¡¦s a _bunny_!¡¨ he cried, hysterical.

¡§Not again¡K¡¨ Numair moaned.

All right, people, I have to go¡K guess where? To the bookstore to get SQUIRE!!! Oh yeah, I finally saved up enough money, and I am sooo happy¡K this is such a great day. :-D

-A Knight of Tortall 

P.S. Review as always!

_ _

_ _


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